5 reasons it is difficult to set boundaries in a brown family

Boundaries are limits that we set in place to protect our mental and emotional well-being. They are set either verbally or non-verbally, serving the sole purpose of defining what is acceptable and unacceptable in our interactions with others. These boundaries help maintain healthy relationships, ensure mutual respect, and create a sense of security by preventing emotional, physical, or mental harm.

They empower individuals to prioritize their needs and values while having a balance between personal and social obligations. However, at times due to cultural and traditional factors in brown families, it can be quite difficult to set boundaries particularly because there is a sense of interconnectedness and prioritization of collective values.

Following are five reasons why it is difficult to set boundaries in a brown family.

Hierarchical Family System

In brown families, the structure is often deeply hierarchical, with elders holding important authority and respect. This traditional system centers on obedience and compliance, where younger family members are expected to follow the directions of their elders without questioning their authority. The idea of challenging authority or setting personal boundaries can be perceived as a form of disrespect or insubordination, leading to guilt and conflict. This hierarchical system often prioritizes collective harmony over individual needs.

In brown families, family decisions are made by those at the top of the hierarchy, and expressing personal preferences or limits may be seen as selfish or disruptive.

For example, refusing to attend a family event or declining to follow a tradition might be met with criticism, alienation, or even emotional manipulation. Younger members feel obligated to give up their comfort and autonomy to meet the expectations of their elders and parents. As a result, setting boundaries becomes a very challenging task emotionally and mentally, as it challenges long-standing norms and invites potential backlash.

Cultural and Traditional Values

Brown families often have deep-rooted cultural and traditional values thereby making it quite difficult to set boundaries. Even if they are established, they are often breached. The concept of boundaries is often perceived as a Western ideology which can clash with the cultural emphasis of self-sacrifice and interconnectedness within the family unit.

Family dynamics in brown households often revolve around unconditional availability and involvement. A person’s time, decisions, and even emotions are frequently seen as shared resources and personal time is neglected.

Gender Roles and generational hierarchies play a very important role in a brown household which further complicates the settings of boundaries. Men take the role of providers whereas women take the role of caregivers. Children are only meant to show obedience towards the elders. There can be no questioning these roles in this culture.

These expectations are inculcated in every individual of a brown household through generations therefore questioning such a belief system or going against it not only is considered hostile but also an act of defiance that brings chaos to the harmony of the family. Such actions can lead to feelings of guilt, alienation, or even being labeled as disrespectful or ungrateful.

Fear of Conflict & Guilt tripping

Individuals in brown families are discouraged if they bring in an alien subject to discussion and if such a subject questions the family morals and dynamics, it is not only considered rude and impolite but also ill-mannered and ungracious. Such an individual is looked down upon by everyone in the family and until they correct their ways, they are not welcomed again.

Therefore, an independent thinking is discouraged and the individual is often conveyed that boundaries may act as a trigger for arguments, conflicts, or hurting feelings, all of which can upset the balance within the family and so they should abandon this idea of having boundaries altogether.

Cultural norms that value obedience to elders and loyalty to these conventional roles even at the expense of one's own well-being are the cause of this avoidance. Setting boundaries can cause guilt and internal struggle since it may be interpreted as rude and selfish. The silent treatment and emotional manipulation always work in a brown family into guilt-tripping the individual and therefore, people become reluctant to question the existing dynamics because they fear rejection, condemnation, or being classified as rebellious. The desire to maintain peace in the family outweighs the importance of self-preservation, leaving personal boundaries completely neglected.

Dependency

In a brown family, all the members are dependent on one another. In South Asia, there is a concept of joint-family system where children, parents and grandparents live in a close vicinity with their uncles and aunts. Since children are often discouraged in making independent decisions and individuals thinking feels like an alien concept, there is a constant dependency upon one another.

Men of in brown families are dependent upon women for household chores and women depend upon men for the basic financial needs of the family. This mutual dependence creates a dynamic where setting boundaries becomes challenging, as any attempt to bring out the individuality is taken as a disruption to the collective system.

In such families, decisions are rarely made on an individual level and are therefore expected to align with the preferences and expectations of the entire household.

Children grow up learning that their choices must be approved by elders, and women are often taught that their sacrifices are essential for maintaining family harmony. Similarly, men are conditioned to bear the financial burden without questioning the unequal distribution of responsibilities. This close network of relations in these families is one of the huge reasons why boundaries are never set and even if they are established, they are never respected because everyone is dependent on each other in one way or another.

Personal and Family Lines

In a traditional brown family, the lines between personal and family space can never be distinguished. Privacy is rarely acknowledged as a priority, and personal boundaries are frequently crossed under the guise of care, concern, or familial rights. Whether it’s entering a room without knocking, making decisions on behalf of others, or offering unwanted advice, the concept of individual autonomy is often overshadowed by the collective mindset of the family.

This lack of personal space stems from the cultural belief that family unity requires constant involvement in each other's lives. The members are expected to share their thoughts, feelings, and decisions, as withholding such information is seen as secrecy or a lack of trust. The lack of ability to have a personal space for oneself creates a feeling of suffocation, resentment, and emotional burnout. When the situation gets out of hands, it becomes important to urgently recognize the need for respecting and establishing healthy boundaries within brown families and.

Creating and maintaining boundaries in a brown household is quite a daunting task as one not only goes against the family values but also against the society. Individuals suppress their desires, needs, and opinions to avoid disrupting the family balance, often at the expense of their mental and emotional well-being. It should be noted that if creating clearcut boundaries are difficult to establish in a close-knitted family, one can always have mental boundaries until they work on their financial and emotional independence in the meantime.